Day 4

Lost another pound.  After 3 full days of juicing I have lost a total of 7 pounds. 

Juicing Observation on day 3:
On the evening of day 3 I attended an event with Kong and Ayden.  Yummy finger foods were set up on neat little trays across two tables.  Holding Ayden's sketch book for her so that she could help herself to some food I noticed that I did not have the need to eat.  I stood next to the food while talking with other guests.  Never once did the food cross my mind even though it was directly in my line of vision.

Big deal, right?  For me it is.   

Last week I was at another event and of course there was food.  I was in the company of some really amazing people doing really important work yet all I could think about was eating.  I was greeting a friend and offered her some food to which she said, "Oh, thanks but I already ate."  It dawned on me that never in my life had I ever voluntarily turned down food.  Not even if I was full or had just eaten.  (Maybe part culture, part growing up poor...more to come in tomorrow's reflection.)

I look back at my life and realize that if ever food was present, I was compelled, not matter what, to eat.  Regardless of how engaged I was in conversation or how amazing the event, food was always on the back of my mind.  For all of my adult life, food had been my obsession.

Before I went vegan, I was one of those people that could not get into my car without stopping to buy something to eat (Yes, even if I had just inhaled a meal).  It would take every ounce of will power not to pull into a drive through.  Once we went vegan the compulsion eased but it never went away 100%.  I would acknowledge the compulsion, then convince myself to resist.  It is important for me to admit that after I overcame the learning curve of vegan cooking, that's when the weight started to creep back slowly.  That's because I never broke the cycle of addiction. (Note:  you can gain weight even if you are eating healthy foods that are whole and organic).

I don't know when I started eating to eat.  I eat not because I am hungry but because I love, love, love the taste of food.  This is probably the reason why I developed in such an awesome cook.  I don't love food the way normal people love things like puppies or cats.  I love food in a way that consumes me to my core. 

This cleanse has cleared my mind.  It is allowing me to see things for what they really are.  I can feel sad, ashamed and keep it all to myself or I can acknowledge it, learn from it, and move on.  I don't wish to be skinny or beautiful.  What I do wish for, once I am through juicing, is to be able to say on a regular basis, "Oh, thank you but I already ate."  Last night was the first time I didn't think twice about food.  I am hopeful.