When I watched the CLC episode of Fresh Off the Boat, I laughed so hard I cried. It's a funny episode but funny enough for tears? I eventually came to understand that I was half laughing and half crying. Laughing because it was funny but crying at the realization that I am that mom. And in real life, it's not so funny. Think I am being too hard on myself? Think again.
Ayden made Principal's Honor Roll (3.9 - 4.0). Out of the whole six grade, only 23 kids received this honor. She was also named student of the month in January. Her gym teacher had a great write up as to why he choose her as his student of the month. It read:
"Ayden Her earned my Student of the Month honor for being her tremendous self, every single day! Ayden is a very mature, responsible, personable, fun, polite and proud student-athlete. Ayden is also a very good advocate for herself and does a great job of communicating her needs, limitations and goals with me for class. Ayden puts in a lot of effort outside of school as an elite gymnast. She could very easily sit out or not put energy into physical education, but she plays harder than anyone when she is far from 100%. Ayden really values and appreciates the opportunity to be active and I am thankful I have her in class to help set a great tone and example for her peers and myself. Thank you for being such an excellent student and participant, Ayden!"
Though I was very happy for Ayden and told her how proud I was of her, all I could think of was why she wasn't nominated for student of the month in an academic class. I mean she got straight A's, right? Any one of her other teachers could have nominated her as well. Oh yeah, maybe this is why.
When Kong and I showed up to Ayden's parent teacher conference, it didn't go so well. The first reason was because her homeroom teacher was ill prepared. She didn't have any print outs on Ayden's grades or academic progress nor did she have any of Ayden's work to present to us. There was no feedback from any of her other teachers and there was no opportunity at the conference to meet with them. The teacher didn't even have a writing instrument and paper to take down notes from our conference. I was not shy about my displeasure with all of this.
The second reason was that the teacher said the worse thing you could possibly say to an Asian mom, "Ayden is getting straight A's and has no behavioral problems so everything is fine." Why is this so bad? Well, if no one can provide me with any progress information, examples of her work, or feedback on areas of development, how do I know how she is really doing? If a kid gets straight A's, are they really being challenged? Is she working up to her full potential? And when is "fine" ever the standard to shoot for? Yeah, the teacher had no answers. Just pure confusion about what the problem was.
It pretty much played out like that scene from Fresh Off the Boat but with WAY more intensity. I had become that Asian parent with super high expectations of my kid. She goes to school all day, leaves immediately for gymnastics, comes home to do homework, and is often up until 11pm or midnight to stay on top of her grades. Once or twice a year, I allow her to be in some type of production (theater or film). I don't know how we squeeze it in but we do.
Am I terrible or just trying to give my kid every opportunity possible? Are my expectations unrealistic? I don't know. I mean, Eddie Huang turned out fine, right? Maybe my kid will too. Only time will tell. I am crossing my fingers.
