Intergeneration Retreat

Roasting smores, telling stories and laughing at Hmong jokes. I had no idea there were so many hmong jokes.

Playing Banana grams. Every spare moment we had we played banana grams. So much fun!
Playing games before heading out to the lake for some canoe time.
Eating food and enjoying the company.
All the ladies: Choua, Kaohly, Taylor, Pang Bee, Ying, Michelle, Ayden, Linda, Kashia, Der and See.

Taylor, Adyen and I just returned from an intergeneration retreat for Hmong women. We spent the weekend with truly beautiful Hmong women. I learned so much about my young sisters and I am looking forward to continuing my relationships with them.

What inspired me the most was seeing my own young daughter explore her identity. Taylor lives a very “American” life as I suspect many young Hmong children do today. She has made comments to me in the past that she feels different being the only person of color in her class. We have had discussions about this topic but for fear of forcing my own thoughts, ideas and feelings on her, I have tried to guide her through these questions without imposing what I have discovered for myself in my own journey.

When my husband asked her what she learned this past weekend, she said, “I have a really good life. The generations of Hmong women who came before me had so many obstacles to overcome. My life is better because of their struggles.” I felt so proud. She did not say much this weekend. I suspect because she was unable to relate to the experiences of the generations who came before her. I do know that she listened very intently.

Taylor is only starting on her journey of self discovery of what it means to be a female in a patriarchal society, to be Hmong, to be American, and to be everything in between. I am looking forward to her journey and keeping my fingers crossed that her journey does not take as long or is as difficult as my own.

Thank you to all the retreat participants and for sharing your stories. You have made a great difference in my life and my girls.

P.S. Linda and See, Ayden misses you terribly. She can’t wait to see you again!

Project Fair

Each spring the 4th, 5th and 6th graders at Taylor's school do a major research project and present their projects at a fair. Taylor's teacher provides them with a theme then it's up to each student to come up with an idea, complete the research, write the paper and present it. This year each of the 6th graders had to conduct an experiment. Taylor chose the topic cola wars and if one is better than the other.
I was so impressed by the work she put into her project. She not only did research on both Coke and Pepsi but she also conducted a blind taste test. Her project was a great success. During the project fair she continued her taste test study. Taylor drew a large crowd of people eager to try her experiment. She had people lined up in front of her station until we had to leave. Great job Taylor!
By the way, it was interesting to see how sure people were that Coke was better and that they knew their choice was coke. FYI, Pepsi won the taste test. In her initial trial Pepsi won by a slight margin. Once she added the second trial, Pepsi won in a land slide.

Brownies at Camp Lakamaga

It is being able to chaperone day trips like this that reinforces my decision to quit my job and be a stay home mom. I had such a wonderful time with Ayden and her troop at Camp Lakamaga. We went hiking, made smores, did arts and crafts, played games and particpated in awsome physical activities that tested our strength. What a wonderful way to spend my day.

Great Learning Experience

It took everything in me to not burst out of the stand, run down, and give my child a big hug to console her. Dropping the staff disqualified Taylor from the event. After the tournament one of the judges from Taylor's ring told me that Taylor's staff spinning was beautiful. Had she not dropped the staff she would have taken 1st place.

The Kuk Sool Won Midwest tournament was a great learning experience.

1. Failure builds character.
2. Character building feels really cruddy while it is happening.
3. The definition of "best" is very subjective.
4. Losing gracefully is really, really hard for everyone.
5. It is easy to have good etiquette when you win. It's a much harder exercise when you lose but is something that we must always work at.

Things I had to muster up and say to my child even though all I wanted to do was affirm everything she was feeling about how subjective judging is. I had to take my mom hat off and put my instructor hat on. I know how hard judging is. All of the judges try their best to be as fair as possible. That is all any of us can ask of them. Sometimes judging falls in our favor and sometimes it doesn't. That's competition.

Taylor and I both learned a great deal about ourselves after this tournament. All experiences, regardless of outcome, are good learning experiences. We can't wait take our learnings, apply it to our training the next six months, and compete again in Houston.

BTW, I came home with two golds (forms and technique) and two silvers (staff spinning and sparring). Taylor took home a medal for her 4th place finish in techniques.

Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes

Yesterday as Ayden ate her after school snack we chatted about the day. She mentioned to me that her teacher had read Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes. I remembered this book from my childhood and how sad the book made me feel so I was very interested to hear her thoughts.

Ayden seemed to be intrigued by Sadako's story. The story led us into a discussion about the death and destruction of war, the atom bomb, radiation and the Fukushima Nuclear Plant. In the middle of our conversation I started crying. It was Ayden's comment about Sadako's belief that if she made 1,000 paper cranes she could make a wish to no longer be ill. Even though I knew this from having read the book myself, there was something about how Ayden said those words that overwhelmed me. Her voice was so sweet and so innocent.

I could not stop thinking about the pain that Sadako's mother must have felt (Not to diminish the physical and emotioanl pain that Sadako endured). The anguish of losing a child. The senseless death that comes with war. My heart broke for every mother who had ever lost a child for any reason. The countless wishes made by mothers who came before Sadao's mother and all those after. I stood silently and cried. Unable to understand my emotions my child put her arms around me and gave me a big, long hug then said to me, "Everything will be okay Mommy."

Videos from Her Ski Weekend

What a great weekend.

Do you want some drugs?

Interesting thing happened this weekend. At Granite Peak there is a super fast chair lift that can take up to six people at a time. With such a large group the bigger kids were at times separated from the adults. On one particular ride Taylor, Asya and Courtney ended up on a chair with two teenage boys. These boys offered the girls ecstasy and other drugs. They also invited the girls to join them at their car for some "cool aid". Courtney, the oldest of the three, declined and instructed Taylor and Asya not to talk with these two hooligans. Immediately after reaching our group the girls reported the incident to their parents. If you know anything about the Her men, the dads instantly went into @as kicking mode and began searching for these boys. These boys have no idea how lucky they were. Had the dads caught up them, they would have encountered a world of hurt. That aside, I was so proud of the girls for handling themselves well and appropriately.

Then later that night when the family was swimming at the hotel there was another incident. Apparently some boys were watching Taylor and Asya from outside of the pool making young boy comments about them. As I went to open the pool door to let Pong (Kong's brother) in, I heard him speaking in serious and firm tone. Apparently he was lecturing these boys on their inappropriate comments and giving them a piece of his mind. When the boys came back later to take another peek, Pong made eye contact with these boys and gestured them to keep on walking. It was clear from the look on Pong's face that lingering meant a serious beating. These boys quickly went on their way and did not return.

The first incident was scary. The second incident, more comical. I love how protective the dad's are of all of the girls. I feel so lucky to have family members that would go to any length to protect the girls in our family from harm.

Cliques???

Julia, Logan, Taylor, Asya and Ayden the day after conquering Mt. La Crosse

So Taylor came home yesterday feeling very sad/confused/mad about something that is happening at their school this year. Cliques have formed and she is stuck in the middle. The popular kids came to her and told her that if she ditched her nerdy friends she could join their group. One of her friends has apparently already defected (even though she said she has not).

As I expected my reasonable 11 year old asked why there is a need for a popular group as they are afforded no extra benefits or privileges. Her questions were met with shhhing and idiotic rambling. Taylor expressed that she did not appreciate others labeling her and that abandoning friendships for status was not her style.

In addition to this, two girls from the popular group are trying to hook her up with a boy. The explanation given by these two girls as to why Taylor and this boy should be together...that Taylor needs a man. They keep trying to force the two of them together. When asked if she would be willing to be this boy's girl friend she said no and that she didn't believe 11 year old were ready to be in relationships. They questioned her maturity because she was not ready for a boy friend. Her responses will surely keep her in the "nerdy" group throughout her k-12 education : )

You want your child to refuse to conform, to stand up for what is right and to speak when no one else will but sometimes it pains me to watch how doing so affects her social status. We had a long talk about doing what is right, being secure in yourself and to always uphold your values. It may be painful to resist peer pressure now but it will only make her a better person in the end. The truth is, throughout your entire life, people will categorize you against your will and ask you to change so that they can fit you into categories that make sense for them. It's good to practice now so that when it really matters you'll make the right choice. Oh, and we also talked about how no woman should ever need a man. If she wants one that's great but to need one is just plain wrong.

And it begins...

Start of a New Year

The garland is down, the tree is put away and the presents stored. It always makes me a little sad but it is a physical sign of the clean start of a new year. The Her family is looking forward to a 2011 filled with new adventures.

To close out 2010, below are some pictures from the Radio Disney New Year's Eve party the girls attended.

Toasting the New Year

Thumbs up to a great party.

Dancing the night away.

Yesterday was the girl's last performance. The girls came home full of tears. What a fun run Joseph was. It was an amazing experience and the girls are excited about what the future holds for them. Last photo with the kids cast.