Almost Lost It Today

Today is day 3 of my Orange Rhino challenge.  The first two days were easy peasy.  Today, not so much. 

It all started last night.

• Taylor was up until 11:00pm because she did not start packing for her week long 100 mile bike trip early enough. This meant that I was up all night doing laundry.
• When I supervise snack time after school I ensure that a snack is really a snack.  Unlike dad, who eats stuff right out of the container, there is no measuring how much you have eaten until it's too late.  This led to Ayden skipping dinner because she had stuffed herself with popcorn.
• In light of bullet point 2, Ayden woke up at 9:30pm with a tummy ache and starving.  I had to feed my child and put her back to sleep.

This morning people woke up crabby and irritated.  I suspect due to lack of sleep.  Me included.  Engulfed with anxiety over if she had packed accordingly for her trip, Taylor asked a million questions but displayed great disdain over the answers she was given.  It took everything in me not to be mad at her for her tone (Tiger mom almost reared her ugly head).

Ayden woke up late, had to be reminded of all the things she left undone from the day before, and opted to do what she wanted to do rather than what she needed to do.  You don't get to spend 10 minutes choosing earrings if you haven't eaten breakfast.  Nutrition trumps fashion.  Something we struggle with daily.

I almost lost it at least 3 times today.  There could have been yelling, tears and hurt feelings from all parties but instead it was calm.  I don't think Taylor liked what I had to say but I have to remember that I am the mom.  It's my job to teach them.  They won't always like what I have to say because it is not what they want to hear.  I have to remind myself that what is important is that they learn how to speak when they feel emotional.  They can only do this is if I model it for them.  They will love me and thank me one day.

The Orange Rhino Challege

 

(Doing it for these two beautiful people.  The best two things I ever made from scratch.  Look at the fun we have when I'm not yelling.)

I know that there is still a lot for me to work on regarding my health and fitness but bettering myself means seeing and acknowledging all that is wrong with me and making an effort to change those things as well.  Since you have all done such a wonderful job holding me accountable for my food, nutrition and weight loss goals, I hope you don't mind me adding one more thing for you to help keep me honest about.

It may come as a surprise to some of you but I am a yeller.  My parents did the best job they could raising me.  I know that if they could have done things differently, they would have.  That said, when I was growing up, I thought often (I mean really often), about the type of mom I wanted to be, how I would do things differently and the relationship I wanted to have with my children.  It was my life dream to be a mother and to nurture little souls and guide them.

When Taylor was born I was the model mom.  I gave my child options, I taught her everything (every moment was a teaching moment), spoke to her in a way that allowed her to know she mattered, I nurtured her and I explained everything to her with patience (yes, started doing it when she was only a few months old).  I always believed that children were capable of so much more than people gave them credit.  Up until Taylor was 4 I don't recall ever yelling or raising my voice at her.  I recall my mom saying to me, "You love Taylor so much how will you ever be able to discipline her when she gets older?" 

I attribute Taylor talking at 9 months old, using multiple word sentences by the time she was 1 1/2, expressing her feelings instead of throwing tantrums and her extreme affection to how I raised her these critical first few years.  To be honest, neither one of my kids ever threw a tantrum in public or at home.  Ayden tried once or twice but they never grew into full blown tantrums.

Reflecting back on the type of mother I was then and the type of mother I am now, I can see why things have turned out as they have.  When you aren't busy yelling your kids hear you.  When you remain calm you are able to find better solutions.  And when you are not crazily emotional, your kids know what to expect hence they know what to do.

I don't know when this all changed and why it changed.  Well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that I had no expectations of my kids when they were small.  I knew that their role was to explore and learn.  Now that they are bigger I set a lot of expectations on them.  Sometimes unrealistic expectations which I have neither given the skills or the tools in order to succeed at what I am asking them to do.  For some reason, I magically expect that they will figure things out on their own.

Because I don't like the person I have become.  Because it makes me sad when they are sad.  Because I feel horrible when I yell.  I have decided that I will be embarking on the 365 day Orange Rhino Challenge.  Today is day 1.  So far so good since the girls have been at school all day.  Other personal challenges I may need:  365 Days of Not Being Condescending, 365 Days of No Emotional Abuse and 365 Days of No Over Reaction.  I'll start with this one and see what happens.

Reflections On What Works For Me

Not the most elegant pose or flattering picture but acknowledging that I have come a long way.

Reporting back after my cousin's wedding.

- I only juiced once
- I ate too much
- I didn't work out
- I had some self control issues

Today I am bloated, swollen and feeling icky.  So, instead of sleeping in I got up and did my usual work out.  I will also be biking 9.2 miles today.  Our family decided that after the bad food weekend we would bike to see a movie at Riverview Theater instead of drive.  We also decided no popcorn and no soda.

All of that said, as I worked out today, I reflected on things from this weekend.

1. In a million years I would never have thought to wear a stand out of the crowd, fitted red dress.  Why is this?  Even when I was thinner (many years ago) I did not have the confidence to pull it off.  I was never secure enough in my body to make such a bold statement.
2. Though I am no longer obese, I am still greatly over weight (20 pounds over weight to be exact).  Despite this fact I received many compliments on how good I looked. 
3. I was not wearing spanx (for my men followers that is the undergarment that women wear to smooth out their rolls and give them shape) and wearing barely any make up.  I was told that my skin, not one of my best features, was glowing and my back fat (I wish there was a nicer name for this), was non-existent.

The difference in my shape and my skin I can attribute to the change in my life style.  The juicing has greatly reduced the "fine lines" from aging, has tightened up my skin, and has put natural color back into it.  As for the change in my body shape, it's my new exercise routine. 

I always thought that in order to lose weight I needed to do rigorous cardio.  I would push myself to run, elliptical, bike, etc...for an hour to an hour and a half.  The only results I ever saw were injuries.  Repetitive motion is not my friend. 

About 2 months ago I changed my routine.  I started running 1.5 miles (much less cardio than I use to do) at a steeper incline and added more resistance training.  I lift over 26,000 pounds in each work out and I squat 50 times using a 10 pound medicine ball doing tricep extensions after each squat.  I am strategic about the areas of my body I am trying to slim down and smooth out.  When I lift weights I do so using tabada interval timing (20 seconds on, 10 seconds off, 8 times).

I always thought that if I burned a lot of calories and lost weight that the shape of my body would just improve.  I know now that is not the case.  Well, that is not the case for me and all I can do is speak for myself.  This has been a long journey of trial and error but I am thankful to finally find what works for me.  Wishing everyone luck on their struggles and their journey.

The Day After

This morning I woke up having lost a little more weight.  After my 15 day juice cleanse I am down 13.4 pounds.

So, what do you eat after a juice cleanse?  My goal was to ease into eating again so I made myself a warm, nappa cabbage infused with garlic, ginger and lemon grass soup.  It was delicious.  Then in the afternoon I ate a piece of cake that I had been saving from a friend's birthday party.  Boy was that a mistake. 
After the cake I did not feel normal the rest of the day.  I knew better and didn't listen to my body.  I went the rest of the day without eating.  I've been mainly drinking water and coconut juice.  I think I'll juice twice tomorrow and stick to simple foods. 

I do have to pat myself on the back though.  Tonight was the Hmong Women Leadership Institute reception.  There was delicous papaya salad, pad thai, chicken wings, and a tofu veggie stir fry and I didn't have any of it.  In fact, I don't think I thought twice about the food.  Yay me.

Taking it one day at a time.  Will see what happens this weekend at my cousin's wedding. 

Day 15 (Tuesday, May 21)

Today is my last day of juicing.  Though it has been a wonderful experience, I am looking forward eating my food versus drinking it.  As of this morning I am down 12.8 pounds.  

Reflection on Day 15
Changes I have observed since I started doing coffee enemas

• I sleep better
• I wake up refreshed and ready to go in the morning
• I need less sleep to feel energized
• I am no longer gassy (those who know me know that this has been an issue all my life - excessive gas)
• My over all energy and mood is so much  more positive (I know, how can that be right?)

Though I am still getting use to doing this procedure I know that it's doing what it is suppose to.

General reflections about being vegan/juicing

• I have noticed that since I have been vegan I no longer have issues with my breath.  Meaning, no more bad breath.
• I also noticed that body odors (feet, gas, under arm, sweat, etc...) either have no odor at all or the odor is minimal.
• My skin has gotten tighter and my wrinkles have been reduced greatly.  (Someone told me the other day they thought I was 28...I had to laugh).
• I have greater clarity in my thinking.
• Most importantly, I have a better connection with my body and how it is suppose to work.

 After following me on this journey I'm sure you know me way better than you would have ever wanted.  I am certain I have shared much too much but I think we are all better off for knowing all the nitty gritty details.  If I don't tell you who will?

Day 11, Day 12, Day 13 & Day 14

Holy man!  Hard to post everyday.  So, lots to reflect on but now that the moment has passed I guess I'll just do a quick report.

Reflection on Day 14
I am down exactly 12 pounds.  I am still feeling great.  No cravings.  I have been tested over and over again with yummy tempting foods.  Each time I am faced with the option to eat delicious but less than healthy foods I have been able to turn way and not give the food a second thought.  I feel more confident everyday that once I am off my juicing cleanse I will have broken my addiction to food. 

I did also try coffee enemas.  Why coffee enemas?  It's probably better explained by practitioners of Dr. Gerson. 

"The coffee enema is capable of removing circulating toxins and partial metabolites for one specific reason, and that is that the coffee enema not only dilates bile ducts - which Gerson knew - we now know, from the work of Wattenberg, Sparnins, and Lam at the University of Minnesota, Department of Pathology, Minneapolis, that coffee stimulates an enzyme system in the liver, glutathione-S-transferase, that is capable of removing a vast variety of electrophiles from the bloodstream. Electrophiles are referred to in popular literature as free radicals."

Here's a link if you want to know more:  http://www.gersonhawaii.us/gersonarticle5.html

Just one more day left and I will be eating solids.  Feeling a little bit torn about it but also looking forward to it.

Day 10

Down 10 pounds.  I don't think I have ever lost 10 pounds in one month so to do it in 10 days is unbelievable. 

I have increased my castor oil treatments to once a day.  I feel like it is making a big difference in how things move in my body.

Juicing Reflection on Day 10
Tonight I attended a surprise birthday party for a good friend of mine.  Of all places, the party was held at the Nook in St. Paul (featured on Diners, Drivers and Dives).  I was surrounded by food and cake and I was not consumed with the thought of eating them.  I was able to enjoy the company of wonderful friends without being distracted by my addiction.

That said, after much thought and consideration on what my natural path doctor said to me, I am reducing my cleanse from 30 days to 15 days.  My goal was never to lose weight but to reset my body and heal myself on the inside. I think I am nearly there.  My addiction has been severely broken (dare I say gone?).  I guess that means just 5 days left to report on.

Day 8 & Day 9

Juicing Reflection on Day 8
The reflection of day 8 will touch on my womanly function so if you don't want to know this much about me, please skip to my day 9 reflection.

For the first time that I can recall, during my monthly cycle, things that normally occur which I have been told are all natural and expected, did not happen.  I did not have cravings the days before hand, my cycle was extremely light, it was also very short (three days from beginning to end), I did not retain water, nor did I have the normal tenderness in my chest.  I wonder, is this how it is suppose to be?  For women who have extreme PMS, could all of it be eliminated through diet?

Juicing Reflection on Day 9
I am now down 9.5 pounds.  I have lost nearly a pound a day.  I noticed today that my body is not asking for as much nutrition.  Maybe the week building up to my monthly cycle required more nutrition because my  body was trying to store "energy" in case of pregnancy?  I don't know.  What I do know is today I have only had lemon water, one juice and coconut water and I seem to be just fine.

On another note, I did want to report that I did not consult with my primary care, kidney or natural path doctors before staring my 30 day juice cleanse.  I finally checked in with my natural path doctor the other day.  Based on her advice, I think I will need to shorten my fast from 30 days to 15 or 20 days.  I guess I've never been one to move slowly on anything. I go all in or I don't go at all.  Maybe where my health is concerned I should take a more cautious approach.  I'll think on it and decide.

Day 6 & Day 7

Okay, didn't report on day 6.  That's because I was a crazy mess.

Juicing Observation on Day 6
I felt great.  Had a ton on energy.  No joint pains.  No muscle pains.  No cravings.  Felt awesome so what the heck?  Why did I have a crazy, yelling, emotional breakdown on Mother's Day?  I went into a crazy rant and emotionally abused my poor husband and two kids.  Then, out of no where, my body told me I needed a nap.  I didn't feel tired.  After napping for two hours I thought all would be fine but it wasn't.  I was still crazy.  All I could do was apologize.

Juicing Observation on Day 7
I have now lost almost 9 pounds (8.8pounds to be exact).  So after having a cruddy day 6 I looked into what could have caused my emotional meltdown.  I have been slowly reading Healing the Gerson Way and this morning read a chapter on understanding the healing reaction.  In this chapter it states, "The body produces a healing inflammation and releases toxins from the tissues, producing a massive toxic load that has to be eliminated from the liver.  The process is sometimes accompanied by a healing fever and even spells of depression and panic."  I guess I need to be more diligent about castor oil packs.  I also dread saying that I need to start doing coffee enemas to help release the toxins from my liver.  I will spare you the details of this process but will let you know the outcome.

Interestingly enough, I still don't know why my body tells me to sleep when I am not tired but what I can say is I have a new found respect for my body and for listening to it.  Normally, if I nap during the day, it is difficult for me to fall asleep at bed time.  This has not been the case lately.  I guess my body needs the extra sleep for all the healing it is trying to do on the inside. 

Hoping the crazies go away and stay away.

Day 5

Down a 1/2 pound from yesterday.  I did not work out on day 4.  Down a total of 7 1/2 pounds.

Juicing Observation on Day 4:
I experienced for the first time in my life what it feels like to eat because my body needs nutrition versus to eat because I am hungry.  Until yesterday I didn't even know there was a difference. 

Friday evening our family left the house to run errands.  I knew that while we were gone I would miss one juicing but thought I could hold out until we got home.  As 7:45pm rolled around I could feel my body  changing.  It's hard to explain the feeling.  I didn't feel hunger pains or the need to eat.  I just knew that I needed some nutrition.

Within 15 minutes I felt my energy drop.  Worse of all, a headache was setting in.  Luckily, we were near a Cub Foods.  I was able to get my hands on some pure coconut juice.  Within minutes of drinking it my headache started to subside and I started to feel better.

Through out this process I never felt hunger pains nor did I have the need to eat food.  My brain was sending me a signal for nutrition.  So this is how my body is suppose to function?  Who knew?

Day 4

Lost another pound.  After 3 full days of juicing I have lost a total of 7 pounds. 

Juicing Observation on day 3:
On the evening of day 3 I attended an event with Kong and Ayden.  Yummy finger foods were set up on neat little trays across two tables.  Holding Ayden's sketch book for her so that she could help herself to some food I noticed that I did not have the need to eat.  I stood next to the food while talking with other guests.  Never once did the food cross my mind even though it was directly in my line of vision.

Big deal, right?  For me it is.   

Last week I was at another event and of course there was food.  I was in the company of some really amazing people doing really important work yet all I could think about was eating.  I was greeting a friend and offered her some food to which she said, "Oh, thanks but I already ate."  It dawned on me that never in my life had I ever voluntarily turned down food.  Not even if I was full or had just eaten.  (Maybe part culture, part growing up poor...more to come in tomorrow's reflection.)

I look back at my life and realize that if ever food was present, I was compelled, not matter what, to eat.  Regardless of how engaged I was in conversation or how amazing the event, food was always on the back of my mind.  For all of my adult life, food had been my obsession.

Before I went vegan, I was one of those people that could not get into my car without stopping to buy something to eat (Yes, even if I had just inhaled a meal).  It would take every ounce of will power not to pull into a drive through.  Once we went vegan the compulsion eased but it never went away 100%.  I would acknowledge the compulsion, then convince myself to resist.  It is important for me to admit that after I overcame the learning curve of vegan cooking, that's when the weight started to creep back slowly.  That's because I never broke the cycle of addiction. (Note:  you can gain weight even if you are eating healthy foods that are whole and organic).

I don't know when I started eating to eat.  I eat not because I am hungry but because I love, love, love the taste of food.  This is probably the reason why I developed in such an awesome cook.  I don't love food the way normal people love things like puppies or cats.  I love food in a way that consumes me to my core. 

This cleanse has cleared my mind.  It is allowing me to see things for what they really are.  I can feel sad, ashamed and keep it all to myself or I can acknowledge it, learn from it, and move on.  I don't wish to be skinny or beautiful.  What I do wish for, once I am through juicing, is to be able to say on a regular basis, "Oh, thank you but I already ate."  Last night was the first time I didn't think twice about food.  I am hopeful.

Day 3

I had a minor melt down yesterday.  I was supper crabby towards Kong last night.  I wasn't feeling hungry, just everything he did bothered me.  Not sure what happened. 

I lost 2 more pounds.  In two days I have lost a total of 6 pounds.  I am certain this is not a sustainable rate.  That said I feel great, have not had cravings, and have a ton of energy.

I have been asked by a lot of people why I am doing this.  Compared to most people I eat a healthy diet and I exercise.  It may help if people understood my history.

I developed an autoimmune disease affecting my kidneys when I was just 16.  With kidney disease you feel absolutely normal until you go into failure so for many years I lived as if I had no issue.

When I was 29 I became pregnant with Ayden.  Though I had no complications with my first pregnancy, my second one was a different story.  I was pre-eclamptic, Ayden had issues with her heart, and I delivered prematurely.  After the delivery the doctors told me I would go into kidney failure within six months.

I was put on high dosages of perdinsone (steriod), cellcept, and a whole host of other drugs that made me toxic.  I became very ill and when I almost lost hope, through God's grace, I found my way to natural healing.  I started acupuncture, homeopathic remedies and changed my diet (cut out red meats and processed foods).  I started to get better.  After two year of natural healing my kidney disease went into remission.  A rare case as only 20% of people with my condition go into remission.  The doctors attributed it to their medicine but I knew better.  I was on to something.

Fast forward 8 years later.  I am nearly medication free but I am over weight (clinically obese really) despite a vegan diet and regular exercise.  I have a resting heart beat of 45 beats per minute.  Based on my physical appearance this was an early sign of heart disease.  After putting me through a number of heart tests and making me run on a treadmill, they determined they were wrong.  It seemed the low heart beat was a sign of a healthy heart.  A medical anomaly really.

So what's the problem?  If I am healthy, why am I so grossly over weight?

For many years I asked the question of when I would return to my normal self.  I just knew and felt like things had been forever changed in my cells after the medication.  Then I met a natural path doctor who confirmed what I had been thinking and explained to me why this is.  Ah yes, the universe was finally lining everything up for me.

First and foremost, a diet of meat and white rice for the majority of my child hood was probably what wrecked havoc on my body.  Although my family cooked traditional Hmong food, I rarely ate vegetables or fruits.  Add on years of working in my family's restaurant drinking coke as my only source of fluid intake and eating high sodium, high MSG food and presto, you have a body that is so thrown out of wack that it no longer knows how to regulate itself.

It's no wonder that I can hit the gym for an hour, practice martial arts for an hour, play tennis for 1.5 hours, and bike 10 miles in a day and still only maintain my weight.  It's no wonder that I cut out meats, dairy and processed foods and only lose 20 pounds to come down from being obese to greatly over weight.  So what to do?  Heal my body at the cellular level.  Infuse my body with a concentration of plant nutrients so that my cells heal.  Re-teach my body how to do what it is suppose to do.

So far, in the days that I have been juicing, I have noticed that I sweat profusely when I work out.  This is a big deal.  I rarely broke a sweat for the first 30 years of my life.  I kid you not.  Your skin is the largest organ you have.  If it doesn't function normally, you can't excrete the toxins you build up inside your body. 

I don't expect that after the cleanse I will be "cured".  I know that this is a life style change.  No going back to eating meats, foods high in fat and calories, or foods that are processed.  No dairy, no sugar, no glutens.  If I want to live life to its fullest I will need to rethink how I look at food.

Resources/Documentaries that helped me move to this way of thinking:
Forks Over Knives
Super Size Me
Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead
Food Inc
Hungry for Change
My MD brother-in-law and sister-in-law (who also went vegan and started juicing)  Their story is amazing.

Day 2

Today is day 2 of my juicing journey.  I am feeling great.

I have lost 4 pounds in just one day.  I only had one small set back last night.  I made a green juice that I didn't like.  After drinking it, just smelling the lingering odor of the pulped veggies made me sick.  I quickly remedied it by juicing a known yummy combination and that did the trick.

I learned today that though I love, love, love eating cucumbers, I hate them juiced.  I'll have to find another green recipe.  I also learned that to go about this whole juicing journey the right way, I need to incorporate a few other things.

Recommended

• Drink 4 to 6 juices a day about, 16 to 20oz each at meal times
• Drink at least 64oz water a day
• Before the am meal/juice drink a hot cup of water with lemon cut up in it
• Before bed a cup of hot herbal tea/stevia optional
• No coffee,sodas,tea,sports drinks, milk etc, only herbal tea and coconut water are allowed
• Make sure the juices are 80%veg and 20% fruits

Day 1

I get it, life happens and routines disrupted but boy, why is getting back on track so difficult?

2012 was an amazing year.  Our entire family had adopted a vegan life style, Kong and I both lost a considerable amount of weight, Taylor's allergies were completely eliminated and Ayden, well, she's the picture of health.  So then, what happened in 2013?

In February we lost a member of our family to breast cancer.  Kong's brother lost the love if his life.  With that loss came a disruption to our routine.  To support our family we have spent nearly every weekend for the last 3 months with them as they navigate through this difficult time.  We have no regrets of the time spent together or the love and support gained.  What we have learned is:

1.  Love people as much as you can.  That love is never wasted. 
2.  Let people know everyday how much you love them.
3.  Forgive often, laugh loud and embrace long.
4.  Life is short. Cherish it.

The most important lesson is the gift that my sister-in-law gave us before she passed.  She was healthy, fit and doctor and yet she turned to a holistic approach to healing.  In addition to a whole host of other natural approaches to her life (acupuncture, energy healing, organic eating, etc...), she had also turned to juicing, specifically Gerson Therapy.  If we want to truly heal and not just medicate our symptoms we need to return to the most natural and raw way of living.  That is the only sure way we can guard against illness, diseases and sickness.

In just the past three months I have gained 13 pounds, my joints are tender and sore again, my uric acid levels elevated, and my rheumtory arthritis in my hands is creeping back.  I feel heavy, irritated and bloated all the time.  I am not sleeping well at night.  I rigorously exercise every day but I know the problem is my food intake.

I am taking my sister-in-law's advice to heart and today I start my 30 day juicing journey.  My goal is to purely juice for 30 days.  After the 30 days I plan to return to a vegan life style.  Today I start my journey.  Today, I choose life.

DAY 1
I am feeling optimistic.  It is 12:10pm and my apple/orange/pineapple/chia seed juice is still keeping me full.  I feel better than yesterday.  Good start to day 1.