Reflections from a 13 Year Old's Birthday Party

 (Fun Dance Video from the Birthday Sleep Over)

This past weekend we celebrated Taylor’s golden birthday.  My little girl is now a teenager.  I have to admit, as much as I excitedly anticipated this important milestone, I was also extremely worried.  Each year Taylor gets older I come closer and closer to having to face my fear of how she will make it in the real world.  At times, she appears as indecisive, a push over, weak, and someone who wears her emotions on her sleeves.  However, this weekend I found new respect and overwhelming love for my child. 

To start, my child decided that for her birthday she would take her friends to Feed My Starving Children to do volunteer work.  She invited 8 of her closest friends to share in this experience.  On the drive up to FMSC, I was pleasantly surprised by these young women.  Yes, like all teenage girls they talked nonstop but it was what they were talking about that just amazed me.  They talked about the Presidential and Vice Presidential debates.   They touched on the marriage amendment and the voter id proposal.  They discussed homosexuality, art, theater and music.  They shared their feelings on these issues, what the media was saying, and what it means to be a conservative or liberal.

Throughout the entire weekend I saw these amazing girls interact with each other and everyone else around them with an enormous amount of respect.  They took turns; helped each other; did not judge others with different values, thoughts or opinions; they validated other people’s point of view; they worked together to accomplish everything; they never criticized anyone nor did they ever once put anyone down or talk about others in a negative way.  

I saw a side of my child that I had never seen before.  Taylor was funny, witty, decisive, caring, and thoughtful and was able to take charge when needed.  Furthermore, she collaborated, inspired, and encouraged.   I had to take pause.  I realized my child is so much more equipped to take on this world than I was.  She has been smart enough to surround herself with friends who hold similar values as she does.   She is true to herself and her strengths but more importantly, she acknowledges where she needs development.  She supports those around her but also knows when to remove herself from the undue drama and negativity of others.

As I reflected on this weekend I had a few revelations.

• That I am way too hard on Taylor.  I need to dial down the scolding and yelling because all it does is undermine her confidence to make decisions.  She appears indecisive because she is trying to figure out what she is suppose to do to make us happy or what we will think is “right”.
• I need to tell her more often how much I appreciate her.  She is thoughtful, kind, and loving.  That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have her teenage moments but when these moments occur (which truly are far and few), I have to just leave them be.
•  I have to stop punishing her emotionally when she makes mistakes.  I can say the same things to her but in a tone that is loving.

I could not be more proud of Taylor and the amazing group of girls she calls her friends.  I am truly lucky to have been blessed to be given the role as her guide in this life. 

The Giving Tree

When I first read The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein, all I could think was how inconsiderate the kid in the story was.  How could he take advantage of the tree like that?   What was wrong with that tree?  I loathed this story for many years.  Then, I had kids.  My profound love for my children; how I would do my best to give them the world; how I would go to all ends to protect them and even die to defend them opened my eyes to a new way of seeing this story.

I read The Giving Tree again with my girls when they were younger and it made me weep.  Not from sadness but from overwhelming love.  I may be completely wrong about this but I feel Shel Silverstein wasn’t trying to tell us we should completely sacrifice ourselves for our kids.  I think that he meant for us to learn from the book.  Giving your children too much, not allowing your children to experience the consequences of their actions/decisions, and not setting boundaries for them is a detriment to not just them but also to us. 

Then again, maybe it is just a story about the unconditional love parents/guardians have for their children.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that this book did have a profound impact on my parenting style.  I fight the urge to give my kids everything and do everything for them.  I don't always come to their rescue or comfort them when they feel hurt.  I empower them by showing them they are capable of finding the solutions they need to make what they want (and ultimately their dreams) come true.  I will always love my girls and I know they will always love me but in the end, I will not be a lonely stump nor will they be selfish.  We will be whole, complete and mutually respectful beings who lived up to our full potential and became who/what we were intended to become.

Regardless of Shel Silverstein’s intention, I have grown as an individual because of this book and I am thankful for it.

All Grown Up

This week Taylor left on her 100 mile bike trip with her school.  She packed all her gear, got herself ready and handled all the details on her own.  Taylor is responsible, kind, and thoughtful with a pinch of spice (nice word for temper).  No longer my little girl...she's all grown up.

As I think about the 12 years I have been her mother I have come to realize a few things.

1.  It went by way too fast.  I remember her cute chubby face, her baby rolls and her froggy little voice as if there were all present just yesterday.  Don't waste any time in loving those around you.

2.  When people say, "Don't worry,____________ is not a reflection of you or your parenting" that this is not true.  I see how Taylor has grown and it is very clear that the good, along with the bad, came from both Kong and I.  They are a direct result of our genetics and our teachings.  This is true motivation for continuing to find ways to be the best parent I can be.

3.  I have to learn let go.  I think I have had the hardest time doing this.  I want to control all that is in my environment, which includes people.  I know this is wrong but I just can't help myself.  Letting go and letting my girls become who they should be has been difficult but I will persevere.

4.  Live in the moment.  I want to treat my girls like they are still my babies.  Holding on to the past is preventing me from truly living and enjoying the moment.  I have to remember that each stage of their life shapes who they will become.  Don't let the moment go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Today I will remember to let go, not dwell in the past, live in the moment, and appreciate life for all that it is.

Spring Surprise

The girls with Senator Amy Klobuchar

Spring has sprung and will the warmth, beauty and wonders that accompany this amazing season comes something not so amazing that affects 20% to 50% of Americans, Allergies (WebMD).  If you are a "numbers guy" as my lovely husband puts it, you know based on that statistic that one to two people in a house hold of four will have allergies. Unfortunately for my poor Taylor, she's the person who suffers this fate.

Fortunately for her, this year, she has had no symptoms of allergies.  Why, you ask?  The only thing I can attribute this to is our change in diet.  She has suffered allergies since she was about five or six years old.  It usually plagues her from spring, on and off during the summer, and into the fall.

Although I have no scientific evidence that proves a vegan diet is the cure for allergies, what I do know is that she no longer has them.  In addition to having no allergies, I have noticed that my girls are stronger and more physically fit too.  They are doing the same level of activities as before the diet change but Ayden's six pack abs are more defined and Taylor has developed very nice shoulders/deltoids.  This sounds contrary to what people think of vegan, no meat protein no muscle, but it's true.

For those looking to relieve their spring allergies without being medicated, I truly do suggest a switch in diet.  You'll be able to breath, sleep and feel so much better.

Vegan Journey

With February coming to a close, this marks the two month mile stone of our family's transition to a meatless, non-dairy, more plant based life style. Yes, we modify what we eat when we are outside of our home.  Is it cheating?  I say "no".  It's just impossible to maintain a vegan lifestyle in the broader community.  Even with the exceptions we are reaping numerous benefits to this life style change. 

• Weight Loss: Kong and I together have lost a total weight of 45 pounds. Ayden weighs 45 pounds. We have, in essence, lost a small child.
• Energy: Our family has more energy and we are more active.
• Emotions:  Advocates say cutting out gluten, sugars, processed foods, etc...is good for autism.  I say it's good for everyone.  It almost feels like our minds are more clear and we make decisions that are less driven by emotions.  This is especially true for me.
• Addiction:  Food is such an addiction.  Our bodies no longer have overwhelming cravings.  (More to come on this topic in the future).

The most important change as been to see how we have reset our bodies.  When we do come upon the occasion where we do consume processed food, dairy or eggs, our bodies reacts immediately.  We feel sick, have headaches or become very lathargic.  Our bodies normal survival mechanism that tells us something is not good kicks into high gear.  Kong looks at this as a curse instead of a blessing : )

Many people have asked us why the change.  Truth is, we had been slowly changing our eating habits over the course of six years.  We had already cut out red meats, white bread/rice, and cut down on eating out and fast foods.  Watching Forks over Knives is what really gave us the push to make the full change.  That and the food miracles we witnessed first hand (More to come on this topic also).

I would encourage everyone to watch Forks over Knives.  It will change your life.  Attached is the trailer.  Enjoy and healthy living!

Magical Age for Wisdom

If we could all believe in magic and see only the good in everything - Taylor and Ayden with Cinderella at Disney World '08

When everything seems to be humming along and life does not seem like it could not get any better that is the moment you have to watch out for. That moment is prime time for that thing, whatever that thing is, to rear its ugly head and bring all of that happy goodness to an abrupt end.

When I was young I thought that adults had it all together. I truly believed that there was some magical age when your adult wisdom would set in. You would have all the right answers, you would know exactly what to do at all times and there was no problem you could not solve.

Boy was my perception of adulthood misguided. The majority of adults are a mess, lost and sad. Adults are the source of their own problems but they lack the courage, optimism, hope and faith it takes to make their situations better. Since wisdom will not be imparted on us magically we need to take life by the horns, empower ourselves to find solutions and believe that we have the power to be the maker of our own destiny.

No matter how disappointing reality becomes it is critical that we remember the words of Romans 5:3-4, “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.”

Reflection

2011 was an amazing year! So amazing that I found little time to post regularly. I don't know if anyone reads my blog or if what I write matters to anyone else but me. What I do know is that writing brings me peace. It keeps me honest about my goals and who I really am. It holds me accountable for the things I say and do. So...I'll keep writing.

As 2011 came to a close I found myself wishing very different things than those around me. Through FB and other social media outlets I heard friends, family and acquaintances relieved the year was finally over, that 2012 was going to bring a new and fresh start. People were ready to leave 2011 behind.

For the first time in my life I found myself feeling sad the year was coming to a close. I was not looking forward to 2012. Maybe it was because that meant I was going to be a year older. Maybe I was afraid of what the new year would bring.

2011 had been a year filled with so many wonderful experiences, love and growth. The girls started the year closing out Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat with an amazing cast at the Ordway Theater. We traveled Europe and saw Munich, Bavaria, Hamburg, Prague, Budapest, Paris, Rome, and Salzburg. We skied the German and Austrian Alps. Ayden competed in her first season of gymnastics and finished strong. Taylor received all of her stripes laying the ground work for her black belt promotion. Kong got an amazing gig working overseas, and I finished my MBA.

I learned to appreciate what an amazing spouse Kong is. How tremendously gifted and talented my girls are (academically and physically) and learned that when you give freely and without worry, you truly do receive back ten fold. Most importantly, I learned the true meaning of trusting in God. My faith that he is always guiding me and caring for me was reinforced. Who could have asked for a better year. Who would want a year like this to end?

I need only remember that there is an abundance of love, opportunity and goodness in the universe and when you are ready to receive its abundance, you get so much more than you expect. If 2011 brought me this much richness, I trust in God that 2012 will bring even more.

May your 2012 be over following with everything your heart desires. Verbalize what you want to the universe and remember, "All things, whatever you shall ask in prayer, believing, you shall receive" Matthew 21:22.