The Giving Tree

When I first read The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein, all I could think was how inconsiderate the kid in the story was.  How could he take advantage of the tree like that?   What was wrong with that tree?  I loathed this story for many years.  Then, I had kids.  My profound love for my children; how I would do my best to give them the world; how I would go to all ends to protect them and even die to defend them opened my eyes to a new way of seeing this story.

I read The Giving Tree again with my girls when they were younger and it made me weep.  Not from sadness but from overwhelming love.  I may be completely wrong about this but I feel Shel Silverstein wasn’t trying to tell us we should completely sacrifice ourselves for our kids.  I think that he meant for us to learn from the book.  Giving your children too much, not allowing your children to experience the consequences of their actions/decisions, and not setting boundaries for them is a detriment to not just them but also to us. 

Then again, maybe it is just a story about the unconditional love parents/guardians have for their children.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that this book did have a profound impact on my parenting style.  I fight the urge to give my kids everything and do everything for them.  I don't always come to their rescue or comfort them when they feel hurt.  I empower them by showing them they are capable of finding the solutions they need to make what they want (and ultimately their dreams) come true.  I will always love my girls and I know they will always love me but in the end, I will not be a lonely stump nor will they be selfish.  We will be whole, complete and mutually respectful beings who lived up to our full potential and became who/what we were intended to become.

Regardless of Shel Silverstein’s intention, I have grown as an individual because of this book and I am thankful for it.

All Grown Up

This week Taylor left on her 100 mile bike trip with her school.  She packed all her gear, got herself ready and handled all the details on her own.  Taylor is responsible, kind, and thoughtful with a pinch of spice (nice word for temper).  No longer my little girl...she's all grown up.

As I think about the 12 years I have been her mother I have come to realize a few things.

1.  It went by way too fast.  I remember her cute chubby face, her baby rolls and her froggy little voice as if there were all present just yesterday.  Don't waste any time in loving those around you.

2.  When people say, "Don't worry,____________ is not a reflection of you or your parenting" that this is not true.  I see how Taylor has grown and it is very clear that the good, along with the bad, came from both Kong and I.  They are a direct result of our genetics and our teachings.  This is true motivation for continuing to find ways to be the best parent I can be.

3.  I have to learn let go.  I think I have had the hardest time doing this.  I want to control all that is in my environment, which includes people.  I know this is wrong but I just can't help myself.  Letting go and letting my girls become who they should be has been difficult but I will persevere.

4.  Live in the moment.  I want to treat my girls like they are still my babies.  Holding on to the past is preventing me from truly living and enjoying the moment.  I have to remember that each stage of their life shapes who they will become.  Don't let the moment go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Today I will remember to let go, not dwell in the past, live in the moment, and appreciate life for all that it is.

Spring Surprise

The girls with Senator Amy Klobuchar

Spring has sprung and will the warmth, beauty and wonders that accompany this amazing season comes something not so amazing that affects 20% to 50% of Americans, Allergies (WebMD).  If you are a "numbers guy" as my lovely husband puts it, you know based on that statistic that one to two people in a house hold of four will have allergies. Unfortunately for my poor Taylor, she's the person who suffers this fate.

Fortunately for her, this year, she has had no symptoms of allergies.  Why, you ask?  The only thing I can attribute this to is our change in diet.  She has suffered allergies since she was about five or six years old.  It usually plagues her from spring, on and off during the summer, and into the fall.

Although I have no scientific evidence that proves a vegan diet is the cure for allergies, what I do know is that she no longer has them.  In addition to having no allergies, I have noticed that my girls are stronger and more physically fit too.  They are doing the same level of activities as before the diet change but Ayden's six pack abs are more defined and Taylor has developed very nice shoulders/deltoids.  This sounds contrary to what people think of vegan, no meat protein no muscle, but it's true.

For those looking to relieve their spring allergies without being medicated, I truly do suggest a switch in diet.  You'll be able to breath, sleep and feel so much better.

Vegan Journey

With February coming to a close, this marks the two month mile stone of our family's transition to a meatless, non-dairy, more plant based life style. Yes, we modify what we eat when we are outside of our home.  Is it cheating?  I say "no".  It's just impossible to maintain a vegan lifestyle in the broader community.  Even with the exceptions we are reaping numerous benefits to this life style change. 

• Weight Loss: Kong and I together have lost a total weight of 45 pounds. Ayden weighs 45 pounds. We have, in essence, lost a small child.
• Energy: Our family has more energy and we are more active.
• Emotions:  Advocates say cutting out gluten, sugars, processed foods, etc...is good for autism.  I say it's good for everyone.  It almost feels like our minds are more clear and we make decisions that are less driven by emotions.  This is especially true for me.
• Addiction:  Food is such an addiction.  Our bodies no longer have overwhelming cravings.  (More to come on this topic in the future).

The most important change as been to see how we have reset our bodies.  When we do come upon the occasion where we do consume processed food, dairy or eggs, our bodies reacts immediately.  We feel sick, have headaches or become very lathargic.  Our bodies normal survival mechanism that tells us something is not good kicks into high gear.  Kong looks at this as a curse instead of a blessing : )

Many people have asked us why the change.  Truth is, we had been slowly changing our eating habits over the course of six years.  We had already cut out red meats, white bread/rice, and cut down on eating out and fast foods.  Watching Forks over Knives is what really gave us the push to make the full change.  That and the food miracles we witnessed first hand (More to come on this topic also).

I would encourage everyone to watch Forks over Knives.  It will change your life.  Attached is the trailer.  Enjoy and healthy living!

Magical Age for Wisdom

If we could all believe in magic and see only the good in everything - Taylor and Ayden with Cinderella at Disney World '08

When everything seems to be humming along and life does not seem like it could not get any better that is the moment you have to watch out for. That moment is prime time for that thing, whatever that thing is, to rear its ugly head and bring all of that happy goodness to an abrupt end.

When I was young I thought that adults had it all together. I truly believed that there was some magical age when your adult wisdom would set in. You would have all the right answers, you would know exactly what to do at all times and there was no problem you could not solve.

Boy was my perception of adulthood misguided. The majority of adults are a mess, lost and sad. Adults are the source of their own problems but they lack the courage, optimism, hope and faith it takes to make their situations better. Since wisdom will not be imparted on us magically we need to take life by the horns, empower ourselves to find solutions and believe that we have the power to be the maker of our own destiny.

No matter how disappointing reality becomes it is critical that we remember the words of Romans 5:3-4, “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.”

Reflection

2011 was an amazing year! So amazing that I found little time to post regularly. I don't know if anyone reads my blog or if what I write matters to anyone else but me. What I do know is that writing brings me peace. It keeps me honest about my goals and who I really am. It holds me accountable for the things I say and do. So...I'll keep writing.

As 2011 came to a close I found myself wishing very different things than those around me. Through FB and other social media outlets I heard friends, family and acquaintances relieved the year was finally over, that 2012 was going to bring a new and fresh start. People were ready to leave 2011 behind.

For the first time in my life I found myself feeling sad the year was coming to a close. I was not looking forward to 2012. Maybe it was because that meant I was going to be a year older. Maybe I was afraid of what the new year would bring.

2011 had been a year filled with so many wonderful experiences, love and growth. The girls started the year closing out Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat with an amazing cast at the Ordway Theater. We traveled Europe and saw Munich, Bavaria, Hamburg, Prague, Budapest, Paris, Rome, and Salzburg. We skied the German and Austrian Alps. Ayden competed in her first season of gymnastics and finished strong. Taylor received all of her stripes laying the ground work for her black belt promotion. Kong got an amazing gig working overseas, and I finished my MBA.

I learned to appreciate what an amazing spouse Kong is. How tremendously gifted and talented my girls are (academically and physically) and learned that when you give freely and without worry, you truly do receive back ten fold. Most importantly, I learned the true meaning of trusting in God. My faith that he is always guiding me and caring for me was reinforced. Who could have asked for a better year. Who would want a year like this to end?

I need only remember that there is an abundance of love, opportunity and goodness in the universe and when you are ready to receive its abundance, you get so much more than you expect. If 2011 brought me this much richness, I trust in God that 2012 will bring even more.

May your 2012 be over following with everything your heart desires. Verbalize what you want to the universe and remember, "All things, whatever you shall ask in prayer, believing, you shall receive" Matthew 21:22.

Intergeneration Retreat

Roasting smores, telling stories and laughing at Hmong jokes. I had no idea there were so many hmong jokes.

Playing Banana grams. Every spare moment we had we played banana grams. So much fun!
Playing games before heading out to the lake for some canoe time.
Eating food and enjoying the company.
All the ladies: Choua, Kaohly, Taylor, Pang Bee, Ying, Michelle, Ayden, Linda, Kashia, Der and See.

Taylor, Adyen and I just returned from an intergeneration retreat for Hmong women. We spent the weekend with truly beautiful Hmong women. I learned so much about my young sisters and I am looking forward to continuing my relationships with them.

What inspired me the most was seeing my own young daughter explore her identity. Taylor lives a very “American” life as I suspect many young Hmong children do today. She has made comments to me in the past that she feels different being the only person of color in her class. We have had discussions about this topic but for fear of forcing my own thoughts, ideas and feelings on her, I have tried to guide her through these questions without imposing what I have discovered for myself in my own journey.

When my husband asked her what she learned this past weekend, she said, “I have a really good life. The generations of Hmong women who came before me had so many obstacles to overcome. My life is better because of their struggles.” I felt so proud. She did not say much this weekend. I suspect because she was unable to relate to the experiences of the generations who came before her. I do know that she listened very intently.

Taylor is only starting on her journey of self discovery of what it means to be a female in a patriarchal society, to be Hmong, to be American, and to be everything in between. I am looking forward to her journey and keeping my fingers crossed that her journey does not take as long or is as difficult as my own.

Thank you to all the retreat participants and for sharing your stories. You have made a great difference in my life and my girls.

P.S. Linda and See, Ayden misses you terribly. She can’t wait to see you again!