Taylor's Recital

(Taylor and Kay Kay: Kay Kay also does ballet, modern dance, tap and jazz...whew!)

Taylor has been taking hip hop for the past 8 months. As one of my 2008 posts said, I was not sure how the girls were going to pull off a solid routine. To my surprise the girls did a great job. See below for a clip from the rehearsal that took place a few nights before the actual performance.

(Half of the 7-11 hip hop dance group)

It's hard to see but Taylor comes in from right stage and starts as the last person on the right but she eventually ends up second to the right most of the time. She's sporting two pony tails and has a nice little solo that starts with a nearly perfect cart wheel. I ran out of batteries so I miss the last part of the routine.

Nature

It's been on verge of raining these past few days. One evening, after the girls and I jumped on the trampoline, it started to lightly drizzle. We decided to lay down on the trampoline really still to hear the leaves rustling in the wind and the rain dropping around us. Were hoping for a big down pour but that never happened.

We must have laid quietly for 45 minutes. We could hear the birds chirping, filling the air with sweet Melodies. To watch the rain that did fall come down from the sky and hit our faces. It was an amazing and peaceful feeling.
On another note, little finches have been hanging out on my porch. They had built a nest in one of my hanging baskets. I took it out before eggs were laid in it. To my surprise, the very next day, I discovered that a new nest had been built in another basket. I was too late. There were already two eggs in the nest. As a mother I could not hurt another mother so I reluctantly left the nest.

I hope I don't regret my decision. Each day I come back to check on the nest there is another egg. Not sure if finches share nests but there are more than just one female and one male hanging around now. What to do, what to do!

So Much To Catch Up On!

(Making Mice Cream with Taylor and Ayden)

Only a month gone by and yet so much to catch up on. I just finished one class and am getting ready to start another on Monday. This MBA thing is killing me. I'm not sure how I would have continued this program if I was still working.

For those who don't know, my last day at American Express was March 31, 2009. After 10 years at Amex I decided it was the right time to end that chapter of my life and start a new one. I waited to blog about quiting because I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell the world that I gave up a career to spend more time with my children. It came as a shock to everyone, especially my boss. I had my best year ever at Amex in 2008. Amex has always treated me well and financially rewarded me. After getting an awesome year end review, I told my boss I was going to quit to focus on my MBA and my family. Some people were supportive but most wondered if I was crazy given record unemployment and the current state of the economy.

I think part of the reason I did not blog about it until now was also because for so long my identity was my career. I wasn't sure if people would still respect me if I was no longer pulling in a six figure income and working for a fortune 100 company. I dreaded having to answer the question, "So, what do you do?" I prided myself for being the person who had it all. A wonderful career, a supportive husband, and two amazing children. How could I now tell people that I couldn't have it all?

I had slowly come to realize that it's okay to not have it all. The truth is, all we can do is prioritize and do our best. So much was being compromised. I was rushing the girls around to all of our activities. I was hiring people to handle the lawn and clean the house but I was unhappy with their work and it didn't buy me any more time with my family. I was no longer chaperoning field trips or baking with the girls. My girls were growing up so fast and I was missing it all.

I'm not saying that you can't work and be a good mom. I'm just saying that my job was too demanding and I couldn't be the mother I wanted to be for my girls. My girls will only be little for a short time. I have the rest of my life to work.

"So, what do you do?" I am a full time MBA student and stay home mom : ) I have been a permanent fixture at the girls school since quiting, chaperone nearly all of Ayden's field trips, volunteer once a week in Ayden's class, cook more, play more and just plain laugh more with the girls. Just ask our neighbor Mike. He is the lucky one who gets to hear our nightly trampoline festivities.

Below are pictures I've taken since. Enjoy!

Okay, this might not look so appetizing but it was really good. The girls and I made mini whole wheat bagel pizzas using ground turkey, kale, organic pizza sauce and cheese. I'm serious, it was really good.
At the Children's Museum with cousin Roan. More pictures in a following post. I let Roan face paint himself. We had such a great time.
Now that it is warm out I let the girls eat their breakfast outside. I try to make them a healthy breakfast before sending them off to school. We also try to walk when we can to help the environment.
Taylor and some classmates put together a small skit for Peace Day celebration at school. Taylor was donation girl. See her utility belt with toys in it? I spent the day at school volunteering for both girls. What a way to spend Peace Day.
A play date for Ayden. FINALLY! Mika and Abby had a great time milling through Ayden's expansive dress up clothes collection. Kong made them popcorn (which he pops himself the old fashion way and seasons it with yumminess) and was named Best Daddy Popcorn Maker in the World.

Magic

Tonight was one of those evenings that just seemed magical. During dinner it was raining. It was one of those weird showers where part of the sky was cloudy and part was sunny. If you looked in one particular direction it looked as if it was raining on a sunny day.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, it was only the perfect condition for a rainbow to appear and sure enough, one did. The girls just loved, loved, loved the rainbow. I have to admit, no matter how old I get, every time I see a rainbow I feel just like a child all over again. I ohhhhed and ahhhhed as much as the girls did. There is just something so magical about rainbows.

Anyway, the girls and I talked all night about believing against all odds and never losing that feeling in your heart when it is touched by magic. To the girls, there are unicorns dancing at the end of the rainbow and fairies sliding down the arc. To me, I know that is impossible yet there is always that hope that if I should ever make it to the end of the rainbow, I will also find all things impossible.

Yes, Taylor is in the 4th grade and still believes in mystical creatures and the power of pixie dust. I can safely say that my girls do live quite the sheltered life but I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope they always dream of the unimaginable, that they never live within the boundaries of possibility, and that they never allow others to tear down their dreams.

To top off this perfect evening Taylor said, "Mommy, the closest things we humans have to magic is love." I couldn't help but feel touched by here ability to correlate the two. Love is magical.

The Lone Woman

I am the Vice Chair of the non-profit Support Our Schools (SOS). We are a community organization that works to improve public education in St .Paul by helping to build leadership capacity in education among educators, business and community leaders, parents and students themselves. We work to influence district policy so that each student has access to an excellent education that prepares them for success in adulthood.

So, I attend monthly board meetings and I bring my girls with me. The girls always do a great job keeping quite throughout the meeting. They keep themselves busy with books and drawing. I've brought the girls to enough meetings that the board knows and very much likes them. The girls talked with a few board members today and all seemed fine.

On the ride home, Taylor said to me, "Mom, I noticed that you were the only woman at that meeting." I didn't want to lead her to any conclusions so I responded, "Oh, yeah? So what do you think about that?" Taylor said that it's a bummer I'm the only woman board member. I asked her to clarify and the gist of what she said was that it just doesn't seem right that there is only one woman. She asked me a bunch of "why" questions. I wasn't really sure if she was ready to hear the truth about the inequities between men and women, society's perception of women leaders, etc...We did touch on this subject but I explained to her to the best of my ability why this is the case for SOS (which by the way or ED does try really hard to find diverse board members to accurately represent the community - they actually sought me out).

I was just surprised that Taylor made this observation and that without any prompting from me, the sight made her sad and elicited feelings of unfairness. She wasn't angry or upset. She was stating an obsevation she had made. I'm not sure if she really knew the full extent of how this made her feel. I think she just knew something didn't feel right but she didn't really know why. Hmmm????

Skiing

Kong enrolled the girls at Como ski school this year against their wish. The thought of skiing was, according to Ayden, frightful. These pictures and videos are from February and March. (Dlaab/Uncle Phili in the lift behind Ayden and Kong)

I was not real hopeful after our first ski trip. Our second one, much happier campers! Taylor improved tremendously and was doing black diamond runs with her dad. I was scared to death for her but she apparently loves the thrill of going fast.

As for Ayden, after our first trip to Afton, she vowed to never ski again. Her problem was that she didn't really want to learn how to control the skis (as evident in the clip below). She wanted to go straight down which only works on the bunny hill. On our second trip she figured it out and just loved it. There were a few blue runs that looked really scary to me but she was determined to go down them. She did awesome despite my fears.

Both girls decided that they do not need to go back to Como next year. They can't wait to go out West to ski the real hills/mountains. As for me, I decided that I'm not as young as I use to be. My knees were in pain after each trip. It's the standing in the boots and stilling on the lift that does a number on me. And Kong...well, he is loving it. On our ride home he said to me, "I've been waiting nine years to be able to do fun stuff that I love with the girls." I guess that says it all.

Before you watch the video clips, be fore warn that I am talking a lot! I'm trying my best not to let the girls know how terrified I am for them. The fear would cancel out the positive energy of encouragement to try new things. It's a tough balancing act : ) You can hear me saying to Taylor, "...stay in the middle...go side to side..." This is much better then screaming "Don't go too close to the sides because there are a lot of trees and horrific things can happen if you hit one." and "Don't go straight down or you'll pick up too much speed and crash!" Oh yeah, and I scream everytime they fall.

It is important to note that the clip of Taylor going down the run, it looks like we are going really slow but that surely was not the case. Because the runs are short and steep you pick up a lot of speed so the clips are very deceptive.

In Memory of Heath Van Handel

Oh my goodness! I can't believe how time flies. It's been four months since my last post. So much has happened.

Before I go back to posting regularly I want to pay tribute to an old friend of mine, Heath Van Handel. Heath was a pilot for the Wisconsin DNR. His plane went down two weeks ago. Heath and I went to elementary, middle school and high school together. We both attended UW-Madison but eventually lost touch. Just a few months back I located Heath and was going to reach out to him but just couldn't find the time. Now I'll never have the chance to do so.

Heath was a rare individual. He was an all American boy - smart, athletic and popular but Heath was different. He was kind and considerate to everyone. He didn't judge people and when he spoke with you, you felt like you were the only person in the world that mattered. My heart goes out to Heath's beautiful wife and his two small boys.

http://www.postcrescent.com/article/20090411/APC010301/904110513

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/photo.php?pid=30438918&o=all&op=1&view=all&subj=75920146594&aid=-1&id=1345200659&oid=75920146594

(1988: Top - Heath Van Handel, me, Mindy Schmidt, Erika Goerich, Kristin Piper, Jodi Under and Sargent Dittmar)

I know Heath doesn't look thrilled to be in this picture but that's not the case. When the photographer came in to take this photo, we were all told to look busy and not look into the camera. Apparently Heath and I were the only two that followed directions.

As a side note, I have been having a really hard time coming to terms with Heath's passing. Is this weird since I haven't talked to him in nearly 14 years? Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I know that death is closer than I would like it to be. Maybe it's because I am regretting the lost opportunity to reach out or maybe I'm just sad that this world has lost a really good person. Ugh...it makes me want to cry every time I think of his two boys.