Warning...Long Post

A lot happened this past weekend. Ayden endured the hour and a half long Kuk Sool test and earned her yellow stripe. We are very proud of her. She was beaming after she received her stripe. Below are pictures from the test. The video clip is of her doing form. Because her form is shorter, she got confused at the end when she should have stopped but saw others were still going. Then she realized I was filming her and she became very embarrassed.

The same day Ayden tested, her beloved Ariel died. Not Ariel the mermaid but Ariel, her beta fish. Funny how different my girls are. Saturday, I came home to find an empty fish bowl in the kitchen sink. I went up to say "hi" to Ayden and she made no mention of her fish dieing. When I asked what happened to Ariel, Ayden said, "Oh yeah! Ariel died and we flushed her down the toilet." She said this with a tone of excitement. I'm sure she wasn't excited that Ariel died but that something different and exciting happened.

When Nicki/Rosie died, Taylor was extremely distraught so I wanted to make sure Ayden was okay. This is how our conversation went.

Kaohly: "Are you okay?"
Ayden: "Yep"
Kaohly: "How are you feeling?"
Ayden: "Good"
Kaohly: "Are you sad?"
Ayden: "No. It's okay that Ariel died. She got her head stuck in the sea shell and she died."
Kaohly: "What did you and Daddy do with Ariel? Did you bury her like Rosie?"
Ayden: "Nope. I prayed for her then Daddy flushed her down the toilet."
Kaohly: "So you're okay with Ariel dieing?
Ayden: "It's okay Mommy. We can just buy a new one at the pet store. They have lots of fish there."

Through out this whole conversation Ayden was smiling and playing and that's when it became so clear to me that my girls are polar opposites. Taylor is serious, takes personal accountability for everything, is extremely diligent, and feels emotions with great intensity. Ayden is silly, practical, logical and very "matter of fact". I can't believe I made these two very different but amazing girls. I don't know if I could possibly love anything more than them.

On the health/Weight loss front, I broke 160 late last week. After a not-so-good weekend of eating, I'm surprised that I've remained steady at 159. That's 23 pounds down from 11 months ago. The holidays really set me back. Realistically, I am hoping to be 150 by summer time. After that I'd like to lose 10-15 more pounds. I would still be considered over weight for my height but at least it will be lean weight.

Oh...one last thing. For those in the Twin Cities, there will be a screening of a film by a Korean Director about hierarchies and dynamics in the Korean family called, Family Project: House of a Father. Probably not much different than the family structure of a many East Asians so I'm sure even if you are not Korean, you'll be able to relate. The director will be present at the screening.

Date & Time: Monday, March 24, 2008, 7:00 PM - 9:00 PM
Location: Auditorium, Bell Museum of Natural History
http://onestop.umn.edu/Maps/BellMus
10 Church Street SE, Minneapolis, MN 55455
Cost: Free and open to the public

Beginning with her own personal story, director Yun K. Jo considers current hierarchies and dynamics in the Korean family. After spending much of his professional and social life away from the family, her father, a pensioner, realizes that his close relatives have become strangers. The director's mother, a little embarrassed and disapproving of the camera's presence, confesses to her daughter of having repressed her own ambitions and desires for the sake of the family and expresses her bitterness about having been treated with indifference by her husband, mother-in-law and children. For the children, now adults, communications are also difficult ? between themselves and with their parents. An ethnographic portrait of an ordinary Korean family at a moment of great social change, when the extended family system is being deconstructed.

ABOUT THE DIRECTOR: Yun Jo studied sociology at Seoul National University, Korea, and obtained her MFA degree in Film/Video/New Media from the Art Institute of Chicago, USA. Her great interests are the subjects of family and gender. Her first student film was a video documentary about childcare, followed by A Lullaby (1998) and Lost Tree (1999). Yun has also worked on video installation pieces, such as An Experiment on Gender and Gesture (2001), which was shown in many galleries both in Seoul and Chicago. Her video documentary Family Project: House of a Father (2002), which she directed, shot and edited, has been screened at many Film Festivals and was awarded the Grand Prize at the Women's Film Festival in Seoul. Now she is pursuing her PhD and teaching undergraduate film classes in Film and Media Studies at the University of Florida.

Weighing in on the debate...

I generally do not post my political opinions on this blog but I felt it necessary for me to do so after reading Geraldine Ferraro's comments on Barack Obama's success. Geradline was quoted saying, "If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept."

I have spent time reading through numerous blogs and article comments and its interesting to hear people say this is not a racist comment. If Barack's camp insinuated that Hillary is only where she is because she is a white woman, the comment would be considered sexist and racist. Feminist would be revolting all over the country. Many people have been saying Obama has been using the race card which I disagree with but even if it were true, how is it any different than Hillary using the gender card? Come on, crying? Using her motherly instinct to attack people who said that she was using her daughter to help her win super delegates?

When Obama's camp called Hillary a monster, the backlash was huge. I'm not saying I think Hillary is a monster but people commented on blogs that calling Hillary a monster is racist. What Ferraro said about Obama is just stating fact. I beg to differ. Calling Hillary a monster is a character judgement. Attributing Obama's success to the color of his skin, in essence, is saying he has nothing to offer and has no merit which is completely untrue. He wouldn't be where he is if the Democratic majority didn't believe he would be a kick ass President. This kind of thinking is racism speaking loud and clear.

I am truly disappointed at the state of our nation. Comments from Ohio saying people would vote for a women before a nigger. Comments from Chicago saying that if we have a black president, it would be blacks for blacks and it wouldn't be fair. That would mean that currently, everything is equal and fair for blacks and whites and having a black president would tip the scale towards black people. I'm not black but I am a minority and the last I checked, it hasn't been equal and it has never been equal. Qualified minorities with comparable work experience still make less than their white counter parts. Minorities are still viewed as less patriotic, and hard working than whites and on, and on, and on. Just check affirmative action stats. Unless Obama has the power as president to tell all white CEOs, Elected Officials, leaders of any organization, etc...to step down, and fill them with black people, then there is no possibility of a shift in power.

I think what bothers me the most is that people, and not just white people because I have heard the same comments from other minorities, assume that only a white person can be fair. That automatically, if a black person is the President, he would only care about black interest. Really????? Why is that the case? Why don't we automatically think a white President only has white people's best interest in mind? Are white people just inherently more fair because it's in their genetics?

It's funny because Kong and I said last night that if Obama was a white man, we would have already been President and would have been a President decades ago. Anyone remember JFK? Inexperienced, young, charismatic and able to unite a country. Yeah, that's what I thought.

Take this entry how you want to as you have the right to your own opinion. I hope Obama wins the Democratic nomination. I just don't like Hillary for my own personal reasons but I'll keep that to myself. She doesn't move or inspire me. By the way, I signed up with the Obama campaign today. If he gets the Democratic nomination, I want to do what I can to get him into office. My fear is that racist from all walks of life will show up in droves to vote against him out of ignorance and fear. There is no way Ohio is an island.

YES WE CAN - Obama.

Something New...Something Old

So I had a conversation with Ayden about being on the verge of testing for her yellow stripe. To my surprise, Ayden was excited about testing and she found renewed energy to return to the Kuk Sool Dojang. Yeah. Much easier than I expected.

I'm continuing to go to martial art class 3x a week and trying to do both work out classes. I've been pigging out on Girl Scout cookies so the extra classes have not been making a dent on my weight. I need to refocus. I've been sore after each work out session. PSBN does different exercises and routines every class. What that translate to is new muscles being worked every session which means sore muscles after every session. My calves have been killing me since Friday. They are finally feeling better today but I have a feeling my shoulders will be in pain for the next few days. You guessed it...Lots of upper body exercises today.

Taylor, Ayden and I attended our first Jool Bong (nunchucks) seminar this past weekend. It was wonderful. Taylor and I really enjoyed ourselves. I am so proud of Taylor. Every once and while I would peak over at her and see just how awesome she was doing. Ayden is another story. I don't think she understood the concept of not dropping her weapon. Each time someone in a group dropped their weapon, the entire group would have to do 10 push ups. 10 push ups doesn't seem like a lot but try 10 push ups every few minutes. That's literally how often she was dropping her Jool Bong. Needless to say, I don't know how much she actually learned. We can't wait for the next seminar.

It's been a while since I've included a video clip. Please don't lose all respect for me after seeing it. It's not bad enough that I helped think up the lyrics to this "rap" but my child is singing it. Have I no shame?

Tired already?

Ayden asked me today if I would leave her at home while Taylor and I went to Kuk Sool. She said that she was tired and didn't want to do Kuk Sool anymore. I was tempted for a moment but decided not to risk it. I just knew the one time I neglect one of my children I would get busted. I am guessing that telling Social Service, "At least I wasn't gambling" wouldn't cut it. Anyway, her instructors informed me of the fact that Ayden is very close to testing for her yellow stripe so Ayden and I will need to have a conversation about what this means to her. She's been using the line, "Mommy, I will do it if you want me to but I want you to know that I really don't want to. I'm just doing it for you." We'll see what happens.

Work has been very busy lately. My colleague is retiring so I'm taking on all of the major relationships in this market. Though most people believe that my job is rather cushy, I have actually been putting in a lot of hours on the weekends and in the evenings. My work goals are extremely challenging this year and we are being asked to do more with less. This is going to be a tough year. I'm already starting to feel the pressure.

On the home front, things have been good. I've recently felt a great sense of calm come over me. The mediating has been helping tremendously. I feel like this spiritual/emotional journey I have been on for the past three years is finally at a point where I have clarity. It seems like at all points in my life, just when I think I have figured things out, something changes and I need to figure it out again. I am having to reassess constantly. Am I the only person who has to do this? I am optimistic about the future. I am choosing to live life consciously, intentionally and in the moment.

Peace and Love

Kuk Sool & Flexibility

After last night's workout class at Kuk Sool, I was very perplexed about my flexibility. I understand that it's been over a decade since I've been serious about exercising and getting fit but having once been a "social" gymnast (never competed) and active sports player, I was very disappointed that I could not raise my leg up much higher then my waist for the side stretch. I have no issues with the front kick but this explains why I have such a hard time doing the back and side kicks.

As I am one of those people who just can't accept things as is I did some research to try and understand what has happened to me and if there is anything I can do about it. It turns out that one of the side affects of prednisone, which I was on for nearly two years for my kidney disease, is deterioration of the hip. When I do the side and back kick, I actually have a great deal of pain in my hip joint. Not sure if this is fixable (is that a real word?). I hope it is as I feel a great sense of disappointment in myself.

What I intend to work on...
1. Remembering that I just started Kuk Sool and to set manageable expectations of my progress.
2. To not be deterred by what has happened in the past and let that affect how I perceive the future.
3. To shift focus from weight loss to health, flexibility, life long physical activity (though I'm proud to say it's been nearly a year and I'm 20 pounds down-Yeah!!!).
4. Believe that I can overcome the negative affects left by prednisone.
5. Commit to regular meditation to nourish my soul and spirit.
6. The most important thing I need to work on is remembering that it's impossible to be the best at everything. Choosing to do my best should be the goal.

I included this clip just for fun. It's a demonstration from the tournament. It's a good illustration of the importance of Martial Art for women. Being able to throw a grown man is not about strength. You'll have to excuse the back ground noise. There were a lot of little ones sitting right around me when I took this clip.

Kuk Sool Tournament

Taylor, Ayden and I participated in our first Kuk Sool Tournament this past Saturday. Taylor came home with a first place finish in forms and thrid in cart wheel, Ayden in fourth for the blind find event and I took first place in jump rope. Yeah!!!!

Here are some photos from the event. It was great fun and the girls have already decided that they would like to participate in more events next year.

It's been Weeks!

I am a Girl Scout cookie mom this year so with this being cookie season, it's been quite hectic. Work, along with all of the "stuff" I do outside of it and the possibility of going back to school to study law and starting my own consulting business, life has been just a tad overwhelming. Kong's been busy studying for the CFA and volunteering so we haven't been seeing much of each other. We are working hard at making sure the kids don't get lost within all of the shuffling and change.

On a positive note I have been enjoying my martial art class. I attend three times a week with Taylor and Ayden and I added the work out class on Monday nights to my schedule. With that addition, I'll be spending the majority of my weeks at the Kuk Sool Won Dojang. I attended my first work session yesterday. It was quite the experience. There were four of us in class with Pu Sa Bum Nim Steffen. Everyone was a black belt (or almost a black belt) except for me. I believed that since I had been exercising for the past year that I would probably make out pretty well. Needless to say, I did not. I have never been pushed so hard in my entire life. I felt at one point that I was going to go into cardiac arrest. I am inspired by those who were present during the class and will be returning next Monday. Their positive attitudes and encouragement despite my apparent failure is a big motivator to return and persevere (our word for this week). Oh yeah, I lost two pounds after the Monday night session which is a huge bonus.

The girls will be in their first Martial Arts tournament this weekend. Some of the events are non traditional but it's a nice way to introduce the little ones to tournaments in a fun way. We are also signed up to learn Jool Bong (nunchucks) so that will be fun. We are looking forward to the experience.